I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
