The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize