New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
