Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
