forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
