My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
