Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
