I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
