Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
