This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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