I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
