whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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