So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
grandma shit on top of the toilet
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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