he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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