Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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