Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
