i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
