Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
