She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
