So drunk, too bad you don't want this
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
