Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
