I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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