yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I AM VODKA MAN
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
