I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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