seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
