She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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