Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Pants are for mortals
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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