I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
