We're facebook friends in real life
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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