i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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