so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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