she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
