For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
