yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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