She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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