I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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