Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
