You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
