nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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