He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
