Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
