If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
