I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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