I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
