guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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