i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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