Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
