Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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