...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
