remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
