Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
