I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
