i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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