im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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