I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
