I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this boner is exhausting
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
