Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
