So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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