The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
