I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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