Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize