i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
