the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
