The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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