Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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