Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
